Here in the south, even though it's only June 26, children have been out of school for a month already. That's one of the hardest things a Yankee like me has had to get used to down here....school starting in August and ending in May. My mind is still automatically programmed to the September-through-June mode. I moved down here two years ago next week and STILL I can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that by Fourth of July summertime is halfway over.
Which leads me to the point of today's topic. I've witnessed a phenomenon this summer that both saddens me and stings me with shame and blame: I call it "Virtual Playtime."
Thanks to the folks at Apple who've created as many "fun" applications as there are humans and of course, thanks to my own guilt of giving in to it, my seven-year-old daughter has become addicted to my iPhone.
The question is no longer "Mommy I'm bored what can I do, it's become "Mommy, can I play Cookie Maker?" or " Can you pleeeeease download XYZ app that [so and so] told me about? It's reeeeally cool."
When we're driving to a destination, instead of reading one of her books, she now wants my phone. If I'm at the grocery store, or doing errands during the day, I admit to giving in and letting her play away because selfishly I can focus on getting my own things done more quickly. It sure beats having to pack coloring books and crayons.
I first became painfully aware of this a few weeks ago when my husband and I were enjoying good food and conversation with a group of friends and their children, all approximately the same age as our daughter. I glanced over to the "kids" table and noticed that, while they were engaging in usual child banter, they also sat next to one another with only the tops of their heads showing as their fingers moved fast and furiously about their parents' smart phones.
Now granted, we parents all noticed it, shaking our heads and commenting how times have changed from the days when we were kids, engaged in rowdy horseplay. To be fair, our kids still chased each other about, whooping it up and making the usual ruckus. In between that, though, there was a lot of begging on the kids' end, as they pleading their cases for us to download the latest app they just "had" to have, according to their little playmates.
I am ashamed to admit I found myself "bowing" to virtual peer pressure as I robotically entered my password for the app to keep the peace in the interest of being able to continue on in my conversation with my adult friends. I justified this by telling myself it's only a little bit of harmless fun here and there as I speak with other adults or do my daily chores.
Meanwhile, every ten minutes or so, there is a "plunk" or a "whoosh" sound indicating I've got another text, email or Facebook comment. What do I do? I stop whatever I am doing and READ IT. *hanging head LOW *
My two "aha" moments came a few days ago as I sat outside at a community pool with the sound of happy, screaming children playing and splashing about, piercing my eardrums. Suddenly my daughter and her little friend, still dripping from the pool, came over and asked my friend and me for our phones so that they could play with them. Outside. On a summer day. While playing with a friend!
My brain percolated as I glanced around the pool to see nearly EVERY ADULT was either talking 'live" on their phones as they basked in the rays or they were texting someone. I am equally guilty of letting my daughter see me do this. I'll answer a quick text here or there. I'll Google or You-Tube something to better illustrate something about which my friend and I are talking.
The next day, during a block party, as the neighbor kids were running about from yard to yard, my daughter and another child raced up to me, abuzz with excitement. I braced myself for what my daughter might ask me for this time. To run across the street and swing in someone else's yard? A sleepover? Nope. She asked me for MY PHONE so she could show her neighbor this "really cool app" she uses. Really.
Admittedly, I am as attached to my iPhone as is my daughter. My husband, only half joking, calls it my "other husband." (Admitting it is the first step...) The good news is I am NOT a gamer. But I can tell you what's happening in most of my friends and families lives at any given moment thanks to facebook or constant texts from them. But at least I finally recognized the problem and I know that something must be done. NOW. I am going to BECOME the change I want to see in others.The old adage that WE are our children's best example still holds true. How can we teach our kids to play "live," in the here and now rather than a virtual life when we adults are doing the EXACT same thing?
EXAMPLE: My daughter LOVES "Cookie maker." Solution: We can bake cookies together. She loves Skyview, an APP that shows the constellations. Solution: We find books to read about them and we stargaze at night from our veranda. Anything virtual on an iPhone or iPadcan be done LIVE. Gee, now there's a novel idea!!
This being said, I'm trying something new and I encourage other parents to do that same. I've turned off all unnecessary technology and now only check in every couple hours (OK... or whenever my daughter ISN'T looking
"Oh sure, that's easy to say, Janice," I can hear you all saying, as you roll your eyes. "My iPhone is my only contact with the rest of the world." Oh really?
Try it. The first day or two is TOUGH. I admit to my addictions to Facebook and "checking in" from wherever we might be for fun and I'll probably not stop using social networking...it helps me stay in touch with my friends back home in Michigan without having to be on the phone all day long. I do still use my ear buds to listen to Pandora as I breeze through housecleaning or my currently-lapsed 5K training.
Believe me when I say that even those who have dropped their landlines needn't be completely bound to time-sucking technology. I've switched my settings on my iPhone to only announce new Facebook responses every few hours. I've edited my sounds to only allow my phone to ring and texts because I realize many of my friends and family use this in lieu of actually calling me during work hours. Texting has saved lives, it actually saved my sanity during the spring tornado that wiped out my city earlier this year. I LOVE texts!
What's the return on this trade-off?
I'm living in the here and now and more importantly, I'm focused solely on whomever is with me at any given moment. I'm cherishing EVERY moment my sweet seven-year-old wants with ME and only ME because I know that window of time is limited. My daughter hasn't said so but I can already tell she feels she's gotten my attention back, it shows in her actions. I definitely know my husband's response to having his wife back 100% makes him happy.
One last thought. Remember how so many of us felt like call-waiting was a rude interruption on our current phone calls when it was first introduced into our culture? How about applying that same premise to the fact that our childrens' real life experiences are being interrupted by "virtual" experiences.
Lets' spend the remainder of our lazy days of the summer of 2012 enjoying the people who are present TODAY! Meanwhile I am off on a nature walk with my daughter on this 88 degree day, the only day this week that will fall below the 90s.... the one part of living in the south to which I will NEVER be accustomed. >:-{
