What a difference a week makes. Only seven short days ago, I, like most mommies in the USA, raced against the proverbial north pole clock, trying desperately to get it all done. My mind was reeling with visions of EVERYTHING dancing in my head. The words shopping,baking, wrapping, packing looped through my head.
I peeked at next week's calendar with apprehension, realizing my sprint to the finish line included a dance recital and a Christmas pageant, knowing that on Friday, Dec. 21, the date of the Mayan-predicted Apocalypse, no less...we needed to be packed, wrapped & shoved into a van headed north. My stress levels are always UP but I remember feeling especially dismal on this particular day. Why are we going up so early? Why can't we have Christmas here at home and THEN head north, this will buy me extra time and let me relax...HOW.WILL.I. BE. READY? I berated myself for not being a supermom. I'm always amazed at moms who work full time and still seem to be cheery despite the stresses, while I feel anything BUT...
That night, I found myself staring at our lovely Christmas tree and longing for the innocence of a child this time of year. As I fretted about how this was all going to get done before we travel, Marlena put her little hand on my arm and reassured me that SANTA will get whatever I can't finish by magic. "He always does, mommy, because he's SANTA!" (sigh)
I smiled and reminded myself that I am the future prism of my daughter's Christmases past....one day, she will hearken back to HER childhood and recall a crazed mom pulling all-nighters, focused only on getting it all done, minus the joy of Christmas carols and chestnuts roasting on an open fire. This thought stopped me in my tracks. Tomorrow, I told myself, I will be the picture of Christmas cheer! I forced myself to bed early and woke up with a renewed sense of joy. I have 11 days more to show my daughter her mommy is Christmas cheer incarnate!
After school drop-off, I raced home, put on Christmas music and went straight to work. I was amazed how much I knocked off by 10:30 a.m.! Hey, maybe the cheerier we are, the more productive we are, I mused. Suddenly, I turned on my iPhone and all my news alerts went off at once. What now, I asked myself, another "fiscal cliff" alert? I glanced at the headline and read the words "School in Connecticut..." scrolling. I'm shamed to say I put my phone down and went about my business. I honestly thought, oh great, another ACLU fight over a nativity scene on a school ground... :/
A few moments later, another updated headline alerted me with a "plink". I walked over to see "...At least 26 now confirmed dead at Connecticut Elementary School..." OH NO! What happened? A school accident? Oh no, surely no children were killed?
I quickly clicked on it and as I read the first few sentences describing the horror of Sandy Hook I sunk to my knees on the kitchen floor. NOOOO! I knew no one there but this time it felt personal. THERE WERE CHILDREN INVOLVED! My worst fears were confirmed as I read how the tiniest victims were the same age as my daughter....My heart sunk as I imagined the sheer terror in the hearts of Sandy Hook parents when they got word of this horrific event.
Talk about a kick in the ass! I realized that for 26 families, which only counts those directly killed, not to mention those injured physically and psychologically injured, Christmas was gone. Those 26 families also had stressed out parents also trying to fit it all in yet now, in the blink of an eye, there would be no more rushing around, no more stress. Only IMMENSE grief. I cried along with the rest of our nation.
That night, as all parents did, I hugged my daughter extra tight and promised her I was NOT going to sweat the stuff that matters little in life. I felt ashamed for the second time that day, asking myself why it takes such a tragedy to remind us that nothing else really matters but the well-being of our families?
There will be much written about this tragic day. There will be a long road ahead for the families directly impacted by this nightmare and sadly, for the parents of the slain innocents and families of faculty and staff members, there will be no closure. EVER. Nothing good can come out of such an epic tragedy.
Many TRY to find some "take-away" from any such event to be sure it did not happen in vain. For me, that take-away is this: SLOW DOWN. ENJOY THE JOURNEY. We hear it all the time but do we really live it?
As we close in on Christmas 2012, let us honor those we lost in the senseless tragedy by soaking it all in, look at your child's face before the big day. Burn it in your heart and draw from it every time you feel challenged or disillusioned. Children have a way of making us see things the way GOD wants us to see them.
Mark 10:14-15--“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
See Christmas through the eyes of your child or of any given child. Not with gloom and dread or with dollar signs in your eyes but with the same anticipation and magical wonder of a child. If we all do this one little thing, we can honor those children (and their brave teachers) whose lights were snuffed out all too soon.
Despite the sadness we all feel this season, I wish you and yours a blessed Christmas and I send prayers for a renewed hope in coming year. Perhaps the best way we can keep the memories of these children is to follow the immortal words Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol:
“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it
all the year.
