Every year, I write my daughter a "pep talk" letter for the new school year. This year, because I recently shared with you all my "tween" angst, I thought I'd share my letter with you because a lot of it will be relevant to all fourth graders.
August 11, 2014
My darling Marlena,
Where has the time gone? Today you will start fourth
grade! Seems only yesterday I was
curling your hair tightly and walking you into the kindergarten building for the first time, part of me hoping you’d jump right into the new
experience and the other part hoping you’d reach back for me and beg me to take
you home. Because you are your momma’s daughter, however, you dove headfirst
into your new surroundings and by the end of the week you had your first new
friends.
In the last four years, I’ve watched you go through the
transition of leaving all our family and friends in Michigan behind to move to a new state,
begin school, learn to read and write, make friends and become your own little
person. It’s such a joy to watch you
grow. I have to hold back tears with
every passing year and new phase you enter and I hope you’ll forgive your mommy
for being mushy. I’ve shed tears of joy, pride and yes, a little
bit of sadness as I grieved the end of your sweet little girl years. As much as it might bother you, please
understand that I love to capture nearly every cute moment of your life on
camera. It’s because there isn’t a minute of my time with you that I want to
ever forget once I’m a little old lady in a rocking chair, so please bear with
me when I run and grab my camera or iPhone. :)
So about fourth grade….it’s kind of hard to see what this
new school year holds for you. In Kindergarten, you learned how to read and the
Golden Rule. You had your big “graduation” to look forward to. First grade was
all about learning how to be a good student and getting through the day with
two snacks and timing your potty breaks. Second grade, the highlight you prepared for
all year long was your First Holy Communion. Third grade will go down as what
you called your "hardest year yet" because it was really the first year the
teachers truly expected your homework to be turned in on time, complete and
with all the right answers. I bet you’ll someday look back and call 3rd grade the
year you realized that school was no longer all fun. J Your
biggest challenge all year was getting enough AR points to go to Lake Winnie.
You worked really hard and although it took you to the day before the field trip, you not only made 100 points, you made 101! I am so proud of you for never giving up! Thank you for trying so hard every year!
I’m sure there are so many things you’ll learn this year
but instead of focusing on your schoolwork, I’m going to give you a few tips
that I hope you’ll use in fourth grade and for the rest of your life.
On
schoolwork:
· Always
give everything you’re taught your full attention and never be afraid to ask
questions until you fully understand it. There are no stupid questions and just
maybe, something you dare to ask the teacher is exactly what someone else in
your classroom wanted to know but was afraid to raise his or her hand and ask. When it comes to learning, be BOLD and ask until you understand.
· I want you to know that not every class from here on out will be so easy for you and that's OK. You know I’m
not the kind of parent who will punish a bad grade so please never worry about
that. My only expectation is that you gave it your all and you never kept your
teacher or your mommy & daddy from knowing any struggle you’re having.
Never be afraid to share this, especially with ME.
On
people & friendships
· Sometimes
no matter how nice you are to a person, he or she might just be mean. Or
insensitive. Or selfish. The list can go on & on. I know your first
instinct is to be like your hot-headed mommy and to show your anger in order to
try to look tough. If there is any area I hope you don’t take after me in, it’s in the
temper area. It took me more than 40 years to learn that anger and a short temper get you nothing
but a lot of “I’m sorry’s” and more anger. Always try to
keep your anger from bubbling over and spilling out at least until you’ve had
the chance to stop, pause, take a breather and think about a better response,
one that will get your point across without causing a big blowup. I’m not
saying to hold back and not have your opinions be heard but I’m
saying to do it in a calm manner. You can catch more bees with
honey, sweetie. Oh how I wish I knew this decades ago!
· There’s
always gonna be drama and conflict with your friends. It’s all part of how you area learning to
deal with each other. If you do nothing else, just
remember it’s not as serious as it feels right then and it helps to be quick to make up
and move on. If someone apologizes, accept it. If you’re misunderstood or lost
your temper, YOU be big enough to say you’re sorry. People appreciate it and
even the toughest mean girl out there has a heart, deep down.
· Remember
that every person you deal with, whether it’s a busy teacher, a mean girl or that
pesky boy in homeroom, has God in their heart, too. Mother Theresa once said to
see the face of Jesus in every person you meet. Seeing Jesus in others is how we all take care of each other.
· I know
you love having my old iPhone to play with, to text your friends and to play
games on, but using the phone with your friends around is simply not polite. Please
don’t point to me when I say this. I’m a different case. I’ve had years to
make and retain friendships. I didn’t have my head in my cell phone every time
I met a new group of friends. If I did I guarantee you I’d not have as many
lifelong friends that I have today. Try this: Be the girl who makes each and every person feel like
he or she is the most important person in the room at that very minute. I've read many biographies about very important people, presidents and kings and queens, who do this. It's not only polite, people will always appreciate it about you. Trust me on this.
You’ll be an unforgettable friend.
· Don’t
be a slave to a machine….Smart phones make life so much easier. I keep my calendar and basically my whole life on mine these days. But I also believe that nothing replaces a phone call to a relative or a friend. Maybe it's easier to text with your friends. But wouldn't it be more fun to play with them in person? I hope that when you grow up to have a smart phone of your own, you and your friends will remember that no gadget, a phone or a computer, will EVER replace real people.
· If you
see someone who is alone, or sad, or struggling, never hesitate to reach out to
that person. Same goes for a person
being bullied. I know you’ll always be that person’s biggest support so I won’t
say anything more about this. I’ve seen you in action. You’re great at this! J
· Always
remember someone’s name and one little fact about him or her. This is fun for you and means a lot to that person. Think about the time someone did that
to you. You felt so good knowing someone took the time to actually learn about you and they remembered it, am I right?
On
GOD:
· You
will always have God in your corner, He
is as close to you as speaking His name.
Talk to Him every single day, even when you’re not in school. Thank Him,
praise Him, confide in Him but most of all TRUST Him. If there is something
you’re being challenged by, just ask God to
show what HE hopes you'll do. YOU choose what you want to do but He is always there to guide you. Please know you can ask Him WHY something happened. But remember you must also quiet yourself down to hear His answer in your heart. The old saying goes that God couldn't be EVERYWHERE, so He made parents. OK so we know technically He can be everywhere, but stop being so literal, just like your engineer father. :)
On
singing and dancing
· You're a wonderful singer and dancer. Your voice comes from God. Always thank Him for it and honor God in all you do with your voice and body.
· Know
that as good as you are, there will always be something new to learn and there
will always be someone out there who can do what you can do. I don’t have to
say this because you never do this….but as you grow and get even more experienced, never, ever let it go to your head. (I think even more than your voice, I'm proud of how you NEVER brag about it and I just know you won’t start doing it, but as your mom, I still need to remind you.)
· Also
know that every talent still takes practice. It might come naturally but unless you want to stay the same the rest of your life you must seriously practice your skills and not only during your voice lessons or dance classes.
· If
you’re struggling, if anything ever becomes too much, you will never disappoint us if you want to back off or stop altogether.
TELL us. We will help you work it out. You are only 9. You can decide what you want to do a bunch of times in your lifetime!
· HAVE
FUN!! Singing and dancing are some of life's purest joys
and they are among the best ways to honor God!!
On
your parents:
· We
will always be here to boss you around. It’s what we do. But it’s only because
never in your life will you have two better cheerleaders in your corner. The
only thing we’d hold you back from are the things that are not good for you.
This is not up for discussion. Until you're a grown-up we'll make the big decisions about what you eat, wear, watch on TV and who you hang around with. End of story.
· There
is a big difference between speaking up and voicing your opinion and being disrespectful. Daddy and I will never stop you from expressing yourself. But
shouting at us will get you nowhere. It only
causes more trouble between us. Let’s work on keeping the peace.
PLEASE. (I’ll do this too!) Let's use our journals and remember to use our funny word: "Snagglepuffin."
· Daddy and I are
the two people on the planet you can trust to the moon and back, so never be
afraid to share things with us. Some kids don’t get that chance. Maybe they have trouble at home or they have one parent who works two jobs to make ends meet. Maybe they don't live with family. Be blessed knowing you have parents you can use us as
sounding boards, people you talk to who will help you make decisions with NO
motive (look up that word) other than wanting the absolute best for your happiness.
And
finally, on living day to day as a fourth-grader:
Smile. Be happy and find time to be silly and laugh. EVERY
day. You have YEARS to be a grown up. Trust me, it's overrated and not as much fun as you think it looks right now. Don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up too fast. I know you hear it a lot. But fourth grade is the perfect age to run outside and play in the rain. And to take your dolls for a walk in the wagon. And make funny faces with your friends. And swing as high as you can on a swing set at the playground. And to sing into your hairbrush and pretend the bathroom mirror is your audience. (Not that I'd know about THAT...) LOL ;)
Sometimes I get grumpy or tired or impatient. Sometimes I get frustrated by things you say or do that don't fall into the lines I want you to fall into but that's something we will work through in the coming years. Meanwhile it's important that no matter WHAT you think, the one thing that is constant in your life is my love. You must remember that you’re the
beautiful, sweet-natured child I prayed to God for every day, for many years. You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a
daughter. Every day of our life together is a delicious journey for me. I'm sure we’ll have lots of arguments. You’ll make me mad, I’ll embarrass you.
But one thing will NEVER CHANGE. I will love you forever "to infinity and beyond, beyond, beyond" until the day I am no more. And then I'll just love you from the stars.
Love,
MOMMY