This month I wish a great big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to our darling daughter, Marly, who, after three (3!) days of labor came bouncing into my world on March 5, 2005. (OK, add those three days to about 20+ years of holding out for the the right man to sweep me off my feet). Marlena Jane's arrival was dramatic, to be sure, with a health scare for me, being a mother of what the doctors thoughtlessly called "advanced maternal age." But once the scares were over and I was healthy enough to come home w/my pink bundle of joy, she completely changed this former career-oriented woman who used to complain about other people's kids into a complete mush ball
Even while I was expecting, I worried that I would resent this little human inside my belly for changing my life from care-free to chained down, for ruining my figure and for intensifying my already impatient nature. I never imagined I'd swap a great career where I wore designer suits and sat in at meetings for sweats and scrunchies, talk baby-talk & watch Baby Einstein as I chased a crawling toddler. I also used to roll my eyes, never believing those cliches you hear moms say about jumping in front of a train for their child. Ask me today and I will tell you without hesitation....I WOULD JUMP in front of that train...now I get it!
Marlena was named for my late mother, Mary and my late grandmother, Lena, (Mary+Lena = Marlena.) Because I have only my dad to ask about my early childhood, and let's face it, dads back then were just not hands-on... you can say I have been basically "winging it" for the past 6 years. While he remembers the major stuff, there are many developmental things, quirks, etc., which I wish I could ask my mom about. Did I do some of the things my own child does? How long did I "need" my Teddy Bear? Was I super-sensitive about certain teachers or kids on the playground? When did I become a night owl? Most of my BFFS have kids in college so a lot of these questions I ask are simply forgotten. I've lucked out & met some amazing moms with kids my daughter's age who are my age or at least close to my age. Actually, one of those "girls" is one of my best friends from junior high who became a late life mom again as her older daughters were graduating high school, so I'm not completely alone, thankfully!
Quitting work to stay home full-time also taught me something else: I used to hear women say they "need" work to keep their sanity...and it never made sense to me. Why would you want to do all that work at the office only to come home and do MORE WORK?? But I can understand that statement, now. This is THE toughest, most thankless job I've ever had, and anyone who knows me knows that I've had A LOT OF JOBS. The difference is, this one never ends! If your boss calls you in the middle of the night, and you REALLY don't feel like taking that call, well whoopsie...I must've had to charge my phone, sorry! If your child is up at night from a bad dream or worse, throwing up all over the bedsheets you JUST CHANGED....you cannot escape it and you certainly do not get a thank you, but rather a "Why didn't you come AS SOON AS I CALLED YOU MOMMY?" Really, I'm lucky to plop on our leather couch at 10:30 JUST as my hubby is dozing off.... y'see....his job has been over for hours.
However, I don't look at this as "just" a job. Motherhood is an investment in not only MY future but society's future. All children eventually grow up to contribute to society like everyone else...the difference is that in a high-tech world of multi-tasking mommies, the one area where I want to focus 100% is on my daughter. Will I be bored and/or frustrated at times, stressed that I'll NEVER be able to get my manuscripts published because I'm dog-tired and not feeling creative? Yep. Will my husband drive me crazy when he sees the Visa bill or the checking account? Will I resent his attitude about those bills, especially after I spent 25 years making my OWN money? Hell yes! But will our child grow up to realize she trumped every other aspect of my life to be number ONE? Well, I can only pray she will...not so I can guilt her about it, but just because EVERY child deserves to know he or she was number one for at least his or her childhood.
Life flies by and before we know it, our kids are "folded in" to statistics....I hate to break it to ya, but we all wind up being numbers. So even if you are a working mommy, especially if you are a single working mommy, (and I give you a HUGE hats off) whether your child is teeny or t'weeny, let that child know he or she IS #1 in your life, and do it today! You won't regret it and I assure you he or she NEVER will, either!
Meanwhile, Happy Birthday to a 6-year-old who is wise beyond her years. She is an old soul. She soothes her hyper, hot-headed mommy with a sweet touch of her hand on my arm. When I'm upset over something...over ANYTHING...she tells me what I really need right now is an afternoon "lovey hug" (I used to give her those after her naps...now she gives them to me.)
I thank God every day to the child who is forever teaching me what's really most important in life...tea parties, dressing up and watching Ramona & Beezuz for the 17th time.
No comments:
Post a Comment