Say Cheese! Don't Let Your Vanity Rob You of Tangible Memories of Today....

One of the few family pictures with Mom, Daddy, Brother Mark and yours truly,
 Easter Sunday, 1969, at Gramma Lena's house, Detroit

 

Today,on Easter Sunday, 2015, I'd like to take a moment to share some personal advice, for whatever it's worth.Consider it my personal public service announcement to you for your own future. It's short and it's sweet. Here it is: No matter what YOU might think you look like, please don't let your self-consciousness over a few extra pounds or wrinkles, bad teeth, a terrible haircut or even your disdain for yourself in that awful Christmas sweater stop you from posing for pictures with your family. And don't YOU always be the one to take the pictures, either.Whether you're all together on major holidays, at weddings, reunions, birthdays or any other such family gatherings, get someone to stop and take a picture with YOU in it. It might sound redundant in an era of endless "selfies," but all too often, there's at least one person in every group who won't allow him or herself to be photographed.

 

Growing up, that person was my mom. With thick, dark, blue-black hair and huge black-brown eyes, I thought my tiny, curvy mom was beautiful. She, however, still only saw herself as the little girl in a wheelchair she once was. No matter how pretty or well-dressed she ever was, and believe me she used to be a looker in her day, Mom was always the first person to dash when we gathered for photographs. And that was when she was still very young and vibrant. As I became a teen and then a young adult, my sweet mom became even more emphatic in her protests of being included in pictures. Personally,I never got that. Call me a ham or whatever you'd like but even as a child, I knew that pictures lasted a lifetime and that I'd always want to remember the great times I enjoyed.

 

Now that I'm in the fifth decade of my own life I do get where Mom was coming from...in a huge way. Most of us don't like ourselves in pictures to begin with...(I'm sure that's how the edit features of our smartphones came to be in the first place.) For me, posing in pictures these days, quite frankly, is humbling, especially for a woman who spent years performing in theater productions as a singer and dancer and as former college pompon girl and even a local beauty queen. Dare I say it just might be harder for someone like me to face the harsh reality of time passing, only because of how easy it used to be for me to just smile and say "cheese" and trust that the pictures would always be perfect?

 

In these days of social media, there's nothing more horrifying than posing in a family or group picture and then being tagged on Facebook, only to see a double chin you didn't know you had or that the outfit you thought looked so good on you when you left the house now appears to be unflattering in the cruelest way.

 

But trust me, these things you and I feel about our physical selves are not seen in the eyes of those who love us. The times you share with your family will stay in your memories forever but someday, perhaps long after you're gone, your children and their children will want to see you included in those family pictures.

 

Two weeks from today, I'll mark the 15th anniversary of my mom's untimely death. She was 58.Only two weeks earlier, my brother got married and I can remember my mom, as usual, trying to dodge the cameras of family and friends who wanted to snap mom in her wedding finest.I remember thinking, and saying to her, how shallow and vain I thought she was being. I'll never forget her telling me that one day I'd understand....when I'm older and I won't be able to trust that I'll look good in every single picture.

 

Only 14 days after that conversation, I was desperately searching for more than a handful of recent pictures of mom to use in her memorial. I realized how increasingly fewer pictures there were of mom with every passing year. I made a vow that I'd never do that to MY family. (Of course, that vow was made 15 years ago. Before I married. Before I became a mommy. Before time and gravity really started to take over. It's easier said than done. )

 

So today, although I felt exhausted, out of shape and totally less than pulled together, I forced myself to pose for a family picture on the church steps.

 

I winced when I looked at it and immediately started to point out my flaws. I try never to do that in front of my 10-year-old daughter but this time I was unable to stop myself. My daughter stopped me immediately, using my own words to remind me how beautiful I was in God's eyes and how mad I always get to hear her put herself down. Again I winced and prayed silently that someday when she looks at old pictures of our family from this day, she won't remember me saying such awful things about myself.

 

Today, we're all as young and vibrant as we'll ever be again and we're all too painfully aware that none of us are promised tomorrow. So.....set aside the pride or vanity and stand up and pose for that picture! Smile and own the fact that you're God's precious creation and that He made NO mistakes in how you once looked or how you look today. After we're gone, all that's left will be photographs and memories. People love us for who we are not what we look like on any given day. Should we be so lucky as to someday blow out candles on our 90th (or more) birthdays, we'll not notice one such flaw! Get yourself back into those photos. Your friends and family, and most especially your children left behind, will thank you. Happy Easter. Say Cheese!

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